04.18.21 Conversation about priority and affection/ Opinion about call

I don't want to feel being the least priority. 

ㄴ "Why do you care what priority you are to me? Don't you say you hate me and eff you? And we are not in a relationship. That's what I mean"

ㄴ Then why you don't stop saying bs kind of wanna live with me or pretending? You wouldn't do it to friends

ㄴ "I just say how I feel!"

ㄴ Without thinking about how it affects?

ㄴ "oops.. Is that why you hate me? Because of the affectionate things I say to you?"

ㄴ No

ㄴ "It's confusing then. If you always say hate me and eff you, then that's what I believe you fell towards me even if I say affectionate things"

ㄴ You seem you don't take responsibility for your feeling. You randomly say affectionate things and disappear. How about thinking of my relationship status as married, committed, or in a relationship with someone else if you want to stay as a friend with me?

ㄴ "It's difficult to take responsibility towards someone that feels that way towards me" "I tried... you don't remember me saying it's hard to not like you?"

ㄴ It's different. Are you gonna keep saying those bullshit when I'm with another guy?

ㄴ "No :("

ㄴ Good. Think like that

ㄴ "If it's bullshit to you I will try to stop again" "Eff, this is like a Korean drama"

ㄴ Why those feel like bullshits is you are not willing to put me in your priority but just throw your irresponsible affection that you don't care whether they distracts me

ㄴ "You are in my priority. You're not going above my job, Muay Thai, or life goal priorities tho. By the way, do you know how hard it is to prioritize someone that treats me the way you do? How about you get in a relationship with someone else? That will make things easier"

ㄴ I'm affected like unintentionally prioritizing you so that's why i'm saying it's so distracting bullshit. That you've said afftectionate thins without responsiblity made me think that's bullshit. I'm not asking to put me in your priority. The more I realize you wouldn't do anything other than saying that kinds of thing, the more I'm thinking those are fake and show the way you don't like. The order is the opposite. I'm treating that way since you say things without thinking prioritizing.  You just send text about how you feel and that's all. You do nothing more. And when I want to respond about it, you don't come up. Feeling fake, unreal, virtual, not gonna working.

This too. You have weak feeling as much as not minding changing my relationship then how can I believe your feeling is sincere? Not to be vague like giving random time affection but choose on way between giving or not.

ㄴ "My affection is real. It's been real for a long time. I've never said otherwise. I've told you many times when you doubt, without fail. You are choosing not to belive me. That issue lies with you.  Just because you don't understand me doesn't mean "I have weak feeling" or I don't "take responsiblity" for my action. I have put a lot of time and effort trying to explain the differences in how we show affection, how we think, etc. It seems you have made absolutely no progress on understanding me better."

ㄴ " How could you expect someone to lower priority on working towards their passions, dreams, and mental health for someone who says hateful things towards him?? Shows no affection towards him even tho he's always showed so much toward her?"

ㄴ "There must still be big misunderstanding between us, because that just doesn't make sense."

ㄴ "I hear you, though. I can understand that those things I say make you unintentionally prioritize me. I just didn't know because of the way you talk to me."

ㄴ "I will try to avoid saying those things I feel."

That is true. I chose not to believe you to protect myself from being hurt by affection that is randomly randomly and doesn't care how I feel. So I decided not to give you my full affection that I might not get back.

I didn't tell you to lower priority on your work. If you can't think of me more, you can just stop showing affection. I don't want to get bothered from the affection that can be given only the time you want among your leftover times after all the things you care more are done. You may think it's okay to like someone after all the other things are done, but I'm not. Have you heard people make time for who they want in their life? I got to believe it since I got hurt a few times when I realized I couldn't get back more affection although I tried to give my full affection.

 

<Opinion about Call>

I let you know my call was the signal I needed you or I wanted to talk with you. So if you couldn't pick up the phone but checked missed call later, I wanted you to call me back when you became available. You didn't because it's not your way and you cannot accept it. I probably thought it was the minimum that I could feel less virtual. I didn't call you since I have a lot of free time. If the reason were from much time, it didn't have to be you at all. I called you because it was you and you don't understand it. So you didn't try to understand why call is needed but became obsessed to make me prove the difference between call and voice message last Sunday.

I don't like texting, which is more distracting than call. It's because I should check what was going on in the chat whenever I get new messages and it takes a long time to follow up the chat after being out of context. Calling for a short time is better unless the purpose is to record as text. Like, call has ending but text doesn't.